Jerry Johnson
My performance from Seanshank Prison! Sorry for the brevity - my performance was a little “guarded”, if you know what I’m saying! By which I mean, I was beaten with a billy club for disparaging the guard’s personal appearance! Whaaaaat a painful experience!
25 Random Things About Jerry Johnson
(Imported from Facebook - hope there’s no tariff! No? Well than thanks, NAFTA!)
So if you are one of the 25 people tagged in this note, this means you’ve got to write 25 random facts about you! It’s like a chain letter! Or as my girlfriend would say, HPV!
1. I’m crazy about women, but women? They’re CRAZY.
2. The song “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys made me want to visit Aruba and Jamaica, and I plan to once my passport is returned to me by the Department of Homeland Security.
3. My girlfriend says her favorite part of sex is cuddling afterward! Whaaaat?
4. When I was four years old, I accidentally killed a chicken that lived in a hutch at my Montessori preschool.
5. Boxers or briefs, Jerry? The answer is boxer-briefs. With a button-fly.
6. Writing random things about Jerry Johnson is like dancing random things about architecture. It’s a non sequitur! Sequitur? Whaaaat? I barely touched her!
7. I get my hair cut every 17 days. Same barber, same style, since 1986.
8. Favorite comedy club? The Ha Ha Hole in Bakersfield. Not even close.
9. My parents thought I was deaf in my left ear until I was nine years old. Turns out it was a button and a penny lodged in the ear canal!
10. My girlfriend…jeez, where to STOP with my girlfriend? Not at the mall! You’ll be there all day!
11. There’s a signed head shot of Gallagher hanging on the wall of my bathroom.
12. When Bruce Springsteen started his halftime show, I thought he was talking directly to me! Because I was holding a big plate of chicken fingers covered in guacamole.
13. For my money, there’s no better gum than Trident.
14. My girlfriend once told me, “Jerry, you don’t listen to me! When I try to tell you something important you just blah blah blah etc.” Or something.
15. She hates it when I tell that story!
16. I am very concerned about the stigma against bald men in our society, even though I have a full head of hair.
17. The last time I was hospitalized was in Mexico, after being stung in the scrotum by mutliple Africanized killer bees. !Me duele! !Por favor, no en el scrotum, bees! ?Que?
18. True story.
19. I bet at least ONE of you guys knows what I’m talking about!
20. I have both bought and sold gold for cash.
21. Most of my success is directly attributed to hard work, clean living, and the lessons of “It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It”.
22. Sometimes my girlfriend says she wants to see more of a commitment from me. Whaaaat? I told her, “Look, if you keep nagging me, I AM gonna be committed - to a mental institution!”
23. Laughter is the best medicine. Trust me, I know - I had a debilitating addition to Vicodin for more than four years.
24. My brother’s name is Johnson Johnson. I’m just glad our last name wasn’t “Susan”. Or, “OJ”!
25. I kid around a lot, but I love my girlfriend very very much. You’re getting SuperPoke’d tonight, dumpling!
“Wings” theme - extended mix!
Your daily dose of Lovitz. I Love-itz this guy!
A picture from the Sam Kane Christmas show last night. I was driving from Bakersfield to Arcata, and he was nice enough to give me a guest set. Also, I’m wearing antlers! What?
Tumbling into my own website
I’m still not familiar with how this “Tumblr” works, but I seem to have “stumbled” into having my own web page! Me, Jerry Johnson, that is! Tumblr, I’ve “fallen” for you. This is better than a blog “spot”, if you know what I’m saying - and I think you do!
